5 Red Flags to Look For When Dating Women

by | Dec 17, 2018 | Boundaries, Connections, Emotional Intelligence, Men's Issues, Values | 0 comments

I hope it goes without saying, guys, that there are a lot of unstable and chaotic women out there and if you’re reading this particular piece of literature, you’re hopefully recognizing that if you’re not a little bit more careful about who you choose to date, life can get complicated. I think my point of frustration is how many guys are apparently such slow learners. As a therapist and friend to many “nice guys” I’m running out of steam for males that date the same crazy women over and over again and then stand around looking confused, wondering how this could have possibly happened to them again. Come on guys, you’re not that stupid unless you choose to be. One dude lamented to me that he “attracts crazy women” when he blatantly ignores red flags. And believe me when I say that when he said this he was seriously ignoring some major red flags because he got involved with a woman who not only had huge red flags but also came with a fog horn.

The red flags are many and I’m sure that guys see them and notice them but that they actually ignore them or make a justification in their minds. “She’s different,” is one of the many rationalizations that they serve up to themselves. Guys, red flags are red flags. Don’t ignore them and if you do then you have nobody to blame but yourself. Here is a short list of some red flags though I’m confident that there will be a part two and possibly a part three down the road.

These red flags are ones that are centered by obvious mental and psychological issues even though I’m sure there’s gotta be some kind of positive correlation between crazy women and what they do to their eyebrows. Seriously, what is going with crazy women and their eyebrows?

  1. She has a bad or non-existent relationship with her dad – Yes, there is such thing as “daddy issues.” Young girls are hard-wired to get positive validation from their fathers and when they don’t get it there are at least a baker’s dozen of maladaptive behaviors that form and her romantic partners are inevitably the ones that land in the crosshairs of this dysfunction. When you first meet her you can make casual conversation about her background and family. As a way to usher in some fun conversation, you can start joking about your crazy parents and see where it goes from there. Watch for how she talks about her dad and see if you can pick up on whether or not the relationship that she has with him is a good one. Daddy issues manifest in a number of ways and that’s frankly a whole other article so unless she has spent much of her efforts in therapy and sorting these emotional messes out, you can rest assured that the emotional matters in this relationship are going to get really sticky.
  2. She doesn’t have any friends – This also applies for women that can’t hold down a job. Honestly, one would hope that this is a big ‘no duh’ but don’t underestimate a mans ability to perform mental gymnastics, especially when he finds a woman attractive. Plain and simple, having friends is a basic demonstration that a 1) She’s able to get along with other people and demonstrate basic social reciprocity like sharing and saying thank you and 2) that she’s able to work through problems and issues with people when those issues arise. I’m fully aware that she probably has a lot of stories about how everybody in her life, up to that point, has turned out to be the problem and she’s just the innocent bystander but this takes me to number three.
  3. She never takes any personal accountability – This is my numero uno, never ignore, is always accurate, stranger danger red flag. Not just with women but anybody. Those who never take accountability. Those who talk as though never do anything wrong, blame others for everything bad or wrong in their life and paint other people as horrible monsters and paint themselves as hapless victims. Some women, when you first meet them, load you up with a major sob story about how they’ve been victimized by their exes, bosses, family members, etc. Run, don’t walk, away from those people and sprint, don’t run, away from those types of women. These people have a tendency to blame their bad behaviors on other people and often push narratives that their bad behavior is your fault. I don’t care how convincing her sob story is, don’t ignore this red flag and as a short teaser, there’s a whole other dynamic here where it kind of seems like the women that have the biggest sob stories use it as a way to snag a particular type of screwed up male and I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but if you’ve fallen for this, you may need to take a closer look at your own issues.
  4. She treats other people poorly – I believe that you can tell a lot about a person simply by how they treat servers at a restaurant, for example. It’s pretty simple to watch them and how they talk to someone like a server and it’s interesting to me that there are people that don’t think twice about being a rude customer. I recently listened to a woman at a party brag about how she mistreats other people. Her justification is that there are certain people, in her mind, that deserve to be mistreated. Uh, yeah, bye. Occasionally, while swiping, I’m astounded when I see women that are rude and insulting towards men. On their actual dating profiles. They call men losers and openly insult prospective dates and probably sit around and think, “gee, I wonder why I have such a bad track record on here” which usually results in them concluding that men are the problem and they double down on the insults and blaming. Let’s be honest, there are always going to be guys that look past this type of behavior if they believe that there is a pot of gold somewhere.
  5. She asks where “the real men are” – Or often expresses in some form or another that there aren’t any real men anymore. Here’s why this is a red flag. The most likely reason she doesn’t encounter “real men” is because they avoid her like the plague and if high-value males are steering completely clear of her, you should as well but I also think that there’s something to be said about the women who think that they are a good judge of what a real man and what a real man isn’t. There is truth behind the old stereotype that women don’t know what they want and the women that complain about the lack of real men are usually women that are impossible to please. They also probably don’t encounter “real men” because they are impossible to please.

My list of red flags extends beyond this and while I think that this is a good start you’re definitely going to want to subscribe so that you don’t miss future articles on this topic.

Share This