7 Women That You Need to Avoid and 7 Signs You Need to Get The Hell Out of Your Relationship
Bad relationships are truly the worst. Sometimes I am astounded at the amount of bullshit that people are willing to wade through day in and day out. Being in a bad relationship is worse than being alone. A lot worse. One of my favorite philosophers, Charles Bukowski once said:
“There are worse things than being alone
But it often takes decades to realize this
And most often when you do it’s too late
And there’s nothing worse than too late”
Your Life is the Only Thing You’ll Ever Really Have
Guys, bad relationships are a major waste of time and the most effective way to create crippling regret in your life. You will never get those years back. Ever. I frequently see guys that choose to be blind to the fact that their relationship cannot be salvaged. They lie to themselves by telling themselves that it can be fixed or that maybe that it’s not that bad. One of my closest friends from my younger years stays in a horrible marriage because he believes it’s part of some kind of religious duty and that God is hanging onto a special prize just for him when he dies. That could be true, I guess, but what if it’s not? Your life is the only thing you will ever truly have and it’s too short to waste on ideals that might be bullshit.
Here’s a shortlist of indicators that you need to get the hell out of a relationship and you need to do it now.
- You don’t ever have sex and it’s likely that you never will – I believe that people change and so do relationships and sometimes people need to change together and grow up together. Perhaps you and your partner are in a growing stage and you’re taking a break from sex during some of that growth and transition. Taking a break from sex in your relationship can help clear the air a bit if you’re working through some things. But that’s more the exception rather than the rule. Too many guys are in a relationship in which the sex has died. Permanently. Successful couples have good sex. Period. Relationships with zero sex will die a slow death. If there’s no sex and she doesn’t see the benefits of couples having good sex with no hope for that to change, it’s time to get the hell out of there.
- She expects you to make all the changes but is unwilling to take a look at herself – Successful relationships happen when both people are willing to take an honest look at themselves and are willing to make personal changes, even hard ones if it benefits their partner and their relationship. There are women out there that will tell you that you need to accept them for how they are but you need to be the one that does all the changing. A lot of men find themselves in relationships where they are always working on him but never her. Those relationships are doomed and women that are like that are not worth the effort. If they aren’t willing to put some personal work into it, then they are going to always have chaotic and dysfunctional relationships. One thing is for sure, if this describes your partner, you need to get the absolute hell out of there.
- You’re always walking on eggshells – I’ve seen plenty of men who are always living in a state of heightened anxiety because they don’t know when their partner is going to have another meltdown. One day she might calm, stable, happy and predictable and the next day she’s having a total meltdown over small potatoes. She might be unwilling to put effort into managing her reactions to the stress and disruptive events that are a part of everybody’s life which might be an indicator of something far more difficult to deal with like Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD. I know that a lot of guys bullshit themselves on being a white knight of sorts in these situations but they almost inevitably end in total disaster. Walking on eggshells every day is no way to live and if this describes you, you need to get the ever-living hell out of there.
- Everything is your fault – in a sentence, abusive and overly toxic people always blame others for everything that goes wrong including their own bad behaviors. “I’m upset because you did this or that,” “I wouldn’t hit you if you weren’t such an idiot,” are things we would hear from people that aren’t good relationship material. Partners that take ownership for their own emotions and their own behavior are the keepers and if your female partner blames you for everything, stop bullshitting yourself into thinking that she’s still a keeper. Just get the hell out of there.
- She holds you to a standard that she doesn’t keep herself – Ever been with someone that loses it when you look at other women but is constantly communicating with or flirting with other guys? I’m not saying it’s necessarily bad if she’s communicating with other guys but if she’s unleashing hell on you because you smiled at the waitress then you’ve got a red flag waving right in your face. Don’t ignore it. Women with double standards who foster an attitude of “rules for thee but not for me” are not relationship ready. Sometimes, people are blind to their own double standards and once they are given some insight make an effort to change but if she insists that there are different rules for you than there are for her, you need to get the hell out of there.
- She’s misandrist – If you’re not familiar with misandry is basically the hatred towards men. I constantly see women online saying things like, “men are trash,” “men are useless” while blaming men for any and all the problems in the world. Women aren’t sanctimonious angels. There isn’t a group of heroes in this world known as women and a group of villains known as men. There are amazing women in the world and there are amazing men. Conversely, there are awful men and awful women, no groups have monopoly’s on being good or bad and people that see the world through this lens are highly problematic. Look for a woman that sees the good in men and champions good men in the world and in her personal life. There are women who see men as evil and useless and see us as absolutely bad and then they seek to date men. This is the very definition of crazy, these women are not relationship ready and you really should stay the hell away from them.
- She babysits you – A lot of women treat their male partners like a child. They expect their partner to tell them where they are going, what they are doing and otherwise treats you like a child. Of course, these women will tell you that they have to do this because of you, that you need babysitting and to a degree, that’s definitely on you. Why are you with someone that babysits you and treats you like a child? You may want to ask yourself why this is. Ask yourself what is going on here but I’m going to hit more on that later. Relationships need to have mutual and shared respect. Successful relationships function on an equal give and take of reciprocity. If one partner is treating the other like a child then the relationship is definitely doomed to fail. So if she treats you like a child you need to get the hell out of there.
As usual, we are big on personal responsibility. If you’re in a relationship with one of these types of women because maybe you feel like you need some validation from her, it’s time to get together with your guy friends and do some venting and take time for a little introspection. We want to support guys through their growth process and avoid putting them down but positive change doesn’t happen without honest self-reflection. I’m going to ask a hard question here but please know that it’s coming from a place of support. As a man, why do you think that you need validation from crazy and screwed up women that aren’t relationship ready? Because that’s the truth, these women aren’t relationship ready. What I mean is they clearly don’t possess the ability to create and sustain the proper dynamics for long term successful relationships and you need to stay the hell away from them. You don’t need the chaos, you don’t need the bullshit and you don’t need the drama.
But if you seek women like this and accept these types of women into your life then you probably aren’t relationship ready either and you have some growing up to do. Some of us are men physically but we are still a boy mentally and if you’re still a boy mentally, you’re far less likely to find an amazing woman and an amazing relationship. It’s okay to not be in a relationship and if you haven’t learned to validate yourself and only seek to get it from women, especially ones that I’ve described here, then you can expect a life of chaos and dysfunction. You need to know that it can be so much better and that you can learn how to bring these good things into your own life.