Can We Please Stop Normalizing Cheating?

by | Jan 10, 2019 | Boundaries, Connections, Men's Issues, Relationships, Responsibility, Values

cheating

I know I’m not the only one that has probably noticed the culture of unfaithfulness that seems to be cropping up more and more with women almost to the point that it’s being normalized. Obviously, women don’t have a monopoly in this area, men also cheat too much but the difference these days is that certain movements have warped things like cheating into some kind of virtue that is somehow aligned with women’s empowerment. When men cheat, they are monsters, when women cheat, they are “empowered.”

To be fair and clear, women that cheat aren’t always the product of feminist delusion, infidelity can also be an indicator of a personality disorder like narcissistic personality disorder or more likely borderline personality disorder or BPD. BPD women are notoriously unfaithful and I believe that it’s usually an act of self-preservation, when abandonment feels imminent, they often quickly seek out a new hero in order to avoid the agony of isolation. It gets a lot more complicated from there but be mindful, guys, of the women that are constantly accusing you of cheating, that could be an indicator that she has been cheating or is cheating and she’s accusing you in a warped attempt at justifying her own actions.

A lot more people are noticing, however, that it is becoming almost culturally acceptable for women to have affairs as long as they wave around the BS excuse of “he’s not making me happy.” Our modern society has basically normalized female infidelity but I don’t believe I’m alone when I say that it seems like women just aren’t being held accountable anymore for their bad behavior.

Accountability

But I’m a man that supports high accountability. I’m as turned off by feminism as much as the next reasonably well-adjusted person but I’m not going to blame them for this ugly trend. It has shown up, in part, because we, as males, have accepted it. Too many of us have been manipulated into thinking that their bad decisions and bad behavior are somehow our fault.

Personal pro tip: Here is the personal pro tip of the day. None of us, neither you, me or anyone is responsible for someone else’s bad behavior. Everyone is responsible for their own behavior and actions and you should beware of those that use that manipulation tool because they can be the most toxic and even abusive because that’s how they justify their bad behavior, by blaming someone else. And when someone believes that other people are responsible for their bad behavior, who knows how far they will inevitably be willing to go.

We Train People How to Treat Us

And how have we, as males, come to accept this and allow it? I’m not going to spend much time on the idea that women these days are treated as though they are somehow pure and sanctimonious just because they are women but there’s a clear double standard with many people. When men do it, they are monsters, when women do it, it’s because men are monsters. I want to be really clear that I am in, no way, advocating that men should take a victim mentality. Trust me, that will only make things worse. We must be more action-oriented. Here are some of the ways that I have seen males handle cheating from their partner which has resulted in them enabling their partner.

  • Putting their female partner on a pedestal and enabling an unequal dynamic in the relationship. If you want more information on this dynamic, check out my article on the princess and the serf.
  • Remaining in unhealthy relationships: sometimes the relationship becomes stale and the attraction dies. Most men fall into the type of thinking that this has happened because they haven’t been nice enough or done enough for her when the opposite is true. Attraction dies when there is a loss of respect. Ending a marriage is one thing, especially if you have kids, but if you’re loosely committed to this person, maybe consider what you gain from staying in the relationship.
  • Taking the blame for her cheating: It’s really sad and unfortunate to see males that blame themselves for their partner’s infidelity by taking the stance that their partner wouldn’t cheat if they had done a better job in making her happy. This is pathological nonsense. She made the choice to cheat. She is responsible for her own behavior.
  • Compromising their own values: I’ve seen those guys that grant their partners request, or demand, that she is allowed to sleep around in the relationship. If that’s something that is really okay with you then that is certainly your prerogative but I have one follow question: are you allowed to sleep around too? Too many guys are saying okay to her sleeping around because he wants her approval. Guys, this is the best way to lose respect in the relationship. If being monogamous is important to you tell her that she can sleep around all she wants but if she does you will choose to move on.
  • Being too forgiving: Again, because guys want to be likeable and are desperate for female approval, they are too quick to forgive this kind of thing when it’s treated like an oopsie. If she cheats on you, you should really consider moving on. Just end the relationship. Forgiving an affair is an entirely different topic but it’s important to realize that cheaters are prone to repeat.
  • Dating cheaters: Guys, don’t date a cheater. I would say the same thing to women. Don’t date cheating men. No, you’re not different. And why should you never date a cheater other than it’s extremely likely that they will cheat on you down the road? Because this enables them and they come to believe that it’s just as easy to transfer to the next relationship. If cheating has major consequences in their life instead of an easy transfer to the next secure situation then they are more likely to think through it next time. Cheating has to hurt and it won’t hurt if you enable them. I don’t care if she has a sob story, I don’t care what she says about her current partner. No matter how awful he is, she chooses to stay. Besides, everybody tells a ones sided story and when she tells her sob story there’s no doubt that she’s leaving out how she’s a big part of the problem. Relationship problems always take two and beware of those who attempt to portray their situation as completely one-sided in which they try to look like their hero and their partner is the villain. Down the road, when she cheats on you, she’s going to paint you as the monster and herself as the damsel in distress. Don’t date cheaters. Don’t do it. When you find out that she’s in a relationship, drop her like a bad habit, there is only turbulent waters ahead.

The Bro-code

Yeah, I believe in guys sticking together. Men band together well and we have really lost our brotherhoods. We need interactions and support from other guys. Men have become too nomadic and have lost their identities. It’s time to support each other again. Support your brothers by not getting involved with women who are already in a relationship. Let your male friends know when their partners are cheating on them. And for extra credit, if you meet a woman who is married or in a relationship, find a way to let her partner know she’s being unfaithful. Yeah, he may not take it well but so what? We need to stick together guys, even when other guys are plugged into the matrix.

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