Emotions and Connections
Why do people have difficulty building connections?
It is because people are scared of emotions. They freak out in the face of emotions, or they shut down. I know I used to be one of them. Emotions can be scary. We have not been trained well how to handle emotions, neither ours nor of others.
Emotions are necessary for building healthy connections. So if you have a hard time with emotions, then you won’t be able to build healthy connections. There is a reason that conflict involves a lot of emotion. This is because the other party is trying to tell you that they are not being heard and hence don’t feel the connection.
The reason why your spouse or partner is upset is that they don’t feel the emotional connection. Because they don’t feel the trust.
They don’t trust you, and they don’t think you trust them either.
All this because you are unsure of your values.
If you are unsure of your values, how are you supposed to set healthy boundaries when someone challenges your beliefs.
I think when you are challenged in such a way, it is a growth opportunity.
You should lean into such conflict.
You lean into such conflict and then learn what is the reason this conflict exists. What can I learn from this conflict?
This is the way of the Integrated Man.
Can you validate your partner’s concerns?
Perhaps you can say, I appreciate your concern and I see that this really bothers you. Would you like to talk more about it?
And sometimes they simply need to be heard.
Emotions are signals
Emotions are the unspoken signals that our bodies communicate to us and others about what’s happening within us. Sometimes we are able to hide those emotions or mask them with other emotions, but it usually doesn’t last very long. Emotions or “energy in motion” are truly the energy you emanate. This energy is pure and simple and defines our true state at any given moment. It is more authentic than any words could express. In fact, this emotional energy has the power to define our words in conscious and subconscious ways.
“Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.”
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead