Your Moms Advice for Dating and Attracting Women is Stupid

by | Apr 3, 2019 | Boundaries, Men's Issues, Relationships, Self-respect, Shame

I recently found myself listening to and watching a mom while she was giving her fifteen-year-old son advice on how to act and behave if he wanted to attract and impress girls. Naturally, her advice wasn’t good and naturally, her argument was that she is a female and she knows what females like and what females want. I asked her how she felt about me playing the devil’s advocate which is our cultural way of politely telling someone that you think that they are full of crap and then I explained that women don’t date women and that women can’t give you advice on attracting women because it’s not something that most of them set out to do. To her credit, she acquiesced and agreed with me and I gave her son that look. The “don’t take your mom’s advice about dating,” look. Hopefully, the message got through.

I once listened to my sister give dating advice to a young college student and she said that he should do her dishes and because I have a limited relationship with my sister, I found myself hoping that the other parts of her life aren’t this completely devoid of anything that even remotely resembles good advice or wisdom. By the way, I’m not saying to not do dishes and I’m not saying that’s for the women to do because I know people will try to read between the lines and take it this way. What I am saying is that this isn’t how you attract women, this is how you become completely uninteresting to them. Doing the dishes absolutely should not be the primary mode of building attraction, that won’t warm her up guys.

But this particular issue is just one spoke in a problematic wheel and that is that moms, as much as they want to, or try to or do their best to, cannot teach boys how to be men. Moms don’t understand what it means to be male, they don’t know what it means to grow into a man and they don’t know how to give their sons advice on how to attract women. Mom’s don’t understand that boys want to be heroes or that they crave challenges and risks, for example. 

The Good Employee

See, moms want their sons to be good boys. They want them to be compliant, obedient and agreeable while forgetting about that boring nice guy that tried to date her back in the day. The one that did the dishes for her because he thought that would be a good way to get her to like him because that’s the nonsense that his mom told him to do. You won’t know anything about that guy because he’s probably not your father. He struck out because he did the dishes.

In a sense, moms teach their sons to be good employees. They tell their sons to say and do the nice things because that’s what makes a good long-term partner but here’s the problem. That’s not, at all, what women are attracted to. They don’t feel that magnetic draw towards the good employees. The good employees are boring and they don’t get promotions; know what I’m saying? And even though women will say that they want the good employee, the good employee is also the one that ends up divorced because the good employee has never gotten her engine revving. He never really has and he never really will. Your mom will tell you be a good employee because that’s what she wants her kids to be, good employees. Women don’t differentiate between a nice, compliant son and someone that the ladies will be drawn to.

Your mom’s advice for attracting women will actually repel them and like I said before, this is just one symptom of a greater problem. Boys are raised with the bogus belief that they are good and valuable only when they try to please women. They are taught, by their moms, to give women what they want and to do what you have to do to please them. Boys get it in their heads that this is not only what will make them good and valuable as a male but also as the golden ticket to happy relationships.

I also make the argument that moms aren’t really going to tell you what women are attracted to, even if they were aware of what that might be. Moms don’t want their sons to grow up and move on, moms want their sons to stay young, as children and be their bouncing baby boy. If she told you what really gets women going, you might get some different ideas in your head about how boys are supposed to act. Mom’s are going to tell you how they want you to behave, as their son and so they are going to tell you to be a boring, woman pleasing, nice guy. Because that’s what she wants out of a son. Plain and simple, your mom isn’t going to tell you how to get her moist between the legs.

Women Don’t Know What They Want

Have you ever done something for a woman when she said she wanted something entirely different and you had an amazing outcome? I have. I have gone completely against what women have told me they wanted from me and it turned out really fun and great.

Wise men will say that women don’t know what they want and when we observe women, it’s pretty hard to not see that this is completely accurate. Women don’t know what they want. They will say that they want one thing and then sprint towards something entirely different. They will tell you that they want something from you and when you give it to them, they are totally unhappy and unsatisfied. Why? Because women don’t know what they want. That’s why, when your mom tells you that women want certain things in a partner, you smile, nod and thank her like a good boy and then you do something entirely different.

Don’t worry, upsetting mom isn’t the end of the world, even though it may feel like it. Going against mom and the life she has laid out perfectly for you (like your school outfit when you were a kid) is part of growing up and part of becoming a man. If most moms had their way, their sons would never do anything dangerous, would never take risks and would live their lives being safe and agreeable. I’m not trying to paint an ugly picture for all moms but I’ve just seen too many moms get in the way of healthy male development even though believed that they were doing the right thing.

Attracting and Dating Women

This isn’t an article or even a community where we help men improve their game. There’s plenty of material out there on how to talk to, flirt with and attract women. You don’t have to look very far, at all, to find a lot of this material. But for now, we’ll just say that what your mom wants in a son is extremely different from what women find attractive. One wise man has often said that attraction is not a choice, women either feel attracted to you or they don’t, based more so how you present yourself. Take dating advice from people that are successful at it, that does not include your mom. Silently thank her for the suggestions and forget everything that she told you. Moms offer very little when it comes to being a man.

Orion is a community centered around personal empowerment. Do you really want to understand how to date and attract women? Then get busy learning about how other people do it but the first step is often going to be letting go of existing beliefs and perspectives. Are you getting the results that you want? No. Then you need to do something different and the more you are attached to what isn’t working, the more miserable you’re going to be in the long run. There are many worthy endeavors in life, not just women and relationships. I personally believe that we need to take on our inner demons before we seek healthy relationships. You will find those road maps here, at The Orion Way.

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